Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
