And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
