after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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