Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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