That's intense
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
