You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best revenge is premature balding
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
