I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
