Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
