the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
