his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
