3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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