I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
