There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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