Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
