It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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