I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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