Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
