i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
