She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
