I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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