So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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