you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
