thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
