At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
