I wish I only lived at night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wear drunk well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
