So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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