I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
