I CAN MOONWALK!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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