the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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