i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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