From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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