I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
