Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
