i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
