i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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