ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
