just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
