1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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