I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I could fuck to npr.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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