walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
