I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
