I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
