My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
