what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
