I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
