if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
