This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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