We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
