This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
