I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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