If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
