we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
