I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
