i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
