I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
