Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
