He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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