shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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