It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.