I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.