I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
