I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
