Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
