i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."