Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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  (847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg
  Replies (31) Good night (616) Bad night (5272)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.

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  (201): I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful. http://tfl.nu/v9lp
  Replies (11) Good night (5040) Bad night (966)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars

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  (702): was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars http://tfl.nu/nxps
  Replies (35) Good night (1224) Bad night (4287)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

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  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (53) Good night (11502) Bad night (1402)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.

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  (636): maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention. http://tfl.nu/8c9n
  Replies (14) Good night (1432) Bad night (3198)
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  (510): View more from California

  Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor

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  (510): Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor http://tfl.nu/56ek
  Replies (5) Good night (3153) Bad night (773)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We welcome drunken adversity.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  With open legs.

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  (724): We welcome drunken adversity. (1-724): With open legs. http://tfl.nu/iqs6
  Replies (12) Good night (3508) Bad night (1144)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.

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  (440): She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat. http://tfl.nu/5t46
  Replies (4) Good night (1553) Bad night (867)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...

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  (734): You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part... http://tfl.nu/5hsp
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (558)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie

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  (917): just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie http://tfl.nu/qsvp
  Replies (6) Good night (1213) Bad night (450)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.

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  (608): AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY. http://tfl.nu/l84n
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (377)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.

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  (920): I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset. http://tfl.nu/b5mu
  Replies (3) Good night (552) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok

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  (239): And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok http://tfl.nu/c91w
  Replies (1) Good night (802) Bad night (424)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car

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  (201): I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car http://tfl.nu/h2al
  Replies (11) Good night (485) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.

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  (989): I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair. http://tfl.nu/f3z5
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (227)

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