i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly