I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
