I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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