if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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