I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
