There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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