I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
