Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
