Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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