just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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