Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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