I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
