I showed him my bush... on skype.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
