winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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